Obey the Rules by Leighton Greene

Author:Leighton Greene [Greene, Leighton]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Leighton Greene

Chapter Fifteen

Xander is very quiet for the rest of the day until nightfall, even after Ben persuades him to do some yoga together and critique his own efforts, which Xander does with no conviction at all. He gives Ben another painkiller afterwards and avoids sex, which is frustrating, but also worrying, because Xander rarely avoids sex. He usually uses sex as a problem-solver, or at least a problem-avoider. But no sex at all? Ben’s not sure what it means. And when Ben tries to touch him, Xander pulls away, his eyes unfocused.

The most disconcerting thing is that Xander just can’t get over it. Ben can see it in his face all afternoon and into the evening.

They order in Chinese for dinner instead of having steak, and eat in near-silence, in front of the television, until Ben has had enough.

“This is ridiculous,” he says, pushing the ‘off’ button on the remote. “Look, if you had my journal in your hands, and I walked in and thought you were reading it, I would lose it too, okay? It’s not as big a deal as you’re making it. You didn’t go for me or anything.”

“You have a journal too?” Xander asks, and it’s the first sign of interest he’s shown in conversation.

“Sure.”

“I didn’t know that. Is it because of—your writing?”

“Kind of, I guess. I…I’ve just always kept one.” At any other time, and with any other person, Ben would probably be embarrassed about it, because he’s been teased about it most of his life when guys found out.

Xander looks across at him. “What do you write about in you journal?”

“Stuff. Books I read. Work, and the people I work with. A little about us—you—but not much.” Because the real stuff, the heart of things—Ben can’t write that down without it seeming trite.

“Not much about me? Now I’m affronted.” Xander gives a tiny smile. It’s the first positive sign Ben has seen, so he takes advantage, pushing Xander back into the couch and sitting astride him.

“I found the lube, by the way. You put it in the freezer with the popsicles.”

Xander blinks. Finally looks amused. “Oh. I guess I was distracted.”

“By?”

“You, prowling around the kitchen in low-slung jeans and asking me to fuck you. Not fair. And—this.” His fingers hover over Ben’s chest, not touching, until Ben pushes Xander’s hand flat under his, over his heart. Xander’s eyes go almost comically round, and he tries to pull away but Ben pushes firmly.

“I want you to touch me. And don’t struggle, please, because you’ll just make it hurt worse.”

Xander bites his lip. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Of course you don’t. But Xander, I know why you wanted to do this, to see inside me like this.” They both look at Ben’s chest, at the changes that are already starting, the new hues appearing. “Like a magic trick, right? That's what you said. And I get it: you want to know me as much as you can. It’s the same for me. When I ask you questions, it’s not because I’m judging whether or not I should stay with you.

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